Patience...Probably Not My Virtue

I don't usually write personal blogs. Sure, I write about what's going on in my life and usually try to make a joke of it. But sometimes, it's good to put aside the joking and be serious for a change, and that's what I feel like doing now. Patience is not something I have mastered. Ever. Oh, I've tried. And usually I can wait things out a while... then I end up jumping the gun and starting a big mess. Most of you know my husband is looking for a job. Talk about trying someone's patience...this can do it. Taking care of a baby...also trying. Don't get me wrong. I love being with Oliver. But by the end of the day, all I want is a few hours of quiet. Especially after a long day of dealing with highschoolers. And when Oliver doesn't want to sleep...I need patience. I have a hard time taking a step back and waiting for the best answer. The American in me wants things my way. Now. And really, I get tired of my own voice in my head complaining about how unfair it is that I don't have a bigger car. That my husband doesn't have a job. That Oliver won't go to bed on a routine like the internet claims most babies do. This lack of patience usually makes me want to skip over the "little stuff" and just get on to the big parts of life (you know - buying a house, winning the lottery, etc). I know, I'm a horrible person for saying it. But I know too that whether they admit it or not, there are a LOT of people out there that secretely feel this way. It's not the right way to feel. We would all like to say we enjoy every small moment of life. But in reality, most of us wait for the next big event to happen. We've learn to measure our lives by accomplishment and the in-between times are the hardest to wait out. But it's those "small moments" that end up meaning the most. My best memories aren't getting married (I was terrified of having to be the center of attention) or giving birth to Oliver (I was unconscious most of the time). It's the card Matt gave me on my first birthday we were together, the way Oliver points at things and I swear he says "this" even though it sounds more like "chis". There are a lot of things I want in life and I know that in reality, some of them won't happen. Like I will probably never move to Boston. But if I could master patience...my life would be pretty awesome. My goal for myself is to wait upon the Lord. (Yes, I know! I mentioned God! Be alarmed and then get over...God really is a big part of my life). This will require a lot of nail-biting and sitting on my hands but I know that everything works perfectly according to His will...not mine. In fact, things I plan rarely work out the way they were supposed to. You'd think we would have had this conversation long ago. And now, I will put this to practice and not get frustrated that Oliver is grabbing at the mouse as I try to type and NOT SLEEPING!!!