Disappointments Come in February

Have you ever had that one moment in your life when you truly regret something? Maybe it's nothing big, maybe it is. The fact remains that you did something you never thought you would, and though you're sincerely regretful and remorseful, "sorry" just doesn't seem to cover it. I had one of those moments- Actually, several of those moments - this past month. I will not pretend that I am not as confused by the world as everyone else. It's hard to find enough faith just to make it through the day sometimes. As a teacher, you will sometimes see and hear things you never wanted to. About kids. Kids who are so desperately trying to prove their maturity that they lose the innocence of childhood. There's an issue that's been bugging me for the last few months. I can't say what it is, because, frankly, its a private issue. Suffice it to say that it's one of those issues that can really suck the life out of you. It's always in the back of my mind, gnawing for attention and sometimes, it just gets too loud to ignore. Recently, my nearest and dearest have taken my dark moods personally. If you have, please consider that it was not meant to be an offense. Sometimes, things become overwhelming and its easier to lash out rather than ask for help.

I know what this sounds like. I am usually the one laughing at those who write complaints like these on the internet for all to see. I just want whoever may read this to know that if you've had an issue like this, you're not alone. All the doubts and insecurities are there for me too. It's easier to talk about faith than it is to live it. Several times in the past month the idea that faith comes in daily dosages has been put before me and I've finally realized that maybe its a message. We're told too often to plan for the future. Make sure you have a good credit score, take care of the bridges you burn, plan, plan, plan. I always seem to forget to enjoy what I have during the present. (Kinda like this blog...I'm rambling) My point is that we can't possibly know what in store for us in the future. God is so incredibly huge and non-human. We have to take our daily dosage of faith (a faith-vitamin, if you will) and trust that everything works out according to His will. We don't have to understand it, we just have to believe it. It's hard and it's sometimes pretty draining, but (I'm really praying) it's worth it.

The Whistle Blower

Well, I have to say I am both happy and sad to see 2009 go. The past year started off with me engaged and in college and ended with a new job and married. All in all, a productive year (to make a gross understatement). For those of you who do NOT know, I am now a teacher. That's right, parents, beware - I am now in charge of your student's mental health. muahaha. Now, thanks to lovely certification and my new job, I have met several different teachers, and I can now spill the secrets that teachers hold dear. First - teachers have a life outside school. This is hard to believe, even for some teachers. But yes, some of us, do have hobbies and interests outside of the classroom or our chosen subjects. Second, highschools are the best place to observe role reversal. Now, to be clear, this happens at every highschool, but does not mean everyone in the highschool has this problem. There are far too many children trying to be adults and too many adults acting like children. Third, (Parents - hold your objections) teachers are genuinely there to help the kids. Or, at least 85% of us are. The majority of teachers at public schools really care what happens to the students. Fourth, teachers like to have fun. Most of the kids still do not believe this one. But its true.

After becoming a teacher, the majority of people you know are suddenly all under the age of 18, and calling you "Mr." or "Mrs. So-and-so". It's enough for an identity crisis. Until March of this past year, I was just Christy. Occassionally, "Ms. Thomas". Now, thanks to Hardin ISD, I am not only "Mrs. Jones" I also have to constantly clarify which Jones or Christy I am.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my new job. I work in a great department and love teaching the kiddies about history. So, here's to the new year! It cannot even hope to bring as much as 2009.

"Well, sis, I've finally become a man"

This blog is in honor of my youngest sibling, James. James is 13 yrs old and going into 8th grade this year. Next Sunday, we celebrate "Gotcha Day", which is the day we adopted James, or, as he remembers, he adopted us. James is really an amazing character. He may not be book smart, but the kid's a genius when it comes to mechanics. At 13, he can fix the lawn mowers, rebuild trailers, and pretty much run anything on wheels. He can drive a standard. I can only manage an automatic. Genius. See, on the other hand, I can name you the American Presidents. Does this earn me a living? No. James will be able to not only make money, but he will save money by fixing his own car. James is one of my heroes. He rocks. At the same time, he's starting to hit those changes every guy must go through. His voice has finally changed, he's officially taller than me and Mom, and yesterday, he came to tell me the "good" news. He was giggling in the way 13 yr old boys do and he (annoyingly, because it makes me feel short) put his arm on my shoulders. "Hey, Chris, guess what!" I stare up at him, wondering what marvel he has ready for me. Did his mini chihuahua try to attack my grandma again? Did the transformers morph or transform into giant bunny rabbits? He doesn't keep me in suspense long. "I got my first armpit hair!" In true boy fashion, he raises his arm and basically tries to rub my face with it. Gagging, I pull away just in time to hear him say, "Yep, now I'm a man!" And as I run away, completely grossed out, I hear my parents dying in hysterics behind me.

So here's a Happy Gotcha Day to James. I'm very proud of the way you're growing up.

Close Encounters of the...Wrong Kind

So...my adventure tonight began innocently enough. Sasha had to go out for her pre-bed time potty break. She was half way down the ramp when suddenly she froze. Matt and I were standing on the porch encouraging her to hurry up and do her doggie business. Then she started growling. Ok. My first response is, it's a rabbit or cat. She's about to take off. By now, Sasha's started barking at the bushes. Matt's trying to figure out what she's growling and barking at and I'm trying to get Sasha back inside. Forty-two, Phillip's dog is trying to get outside now and Matt's still staring into the darkness. Suddenly, Matt stops me. "Listen, do you hear that?"

And I do. From the bushes that hedge our yard, I hear a massive sound of something big...very BIG moving in the bushes. I'm convinced it was our neighbors pit bulls. So I practically shove Sasha inside with my foot, all the while voicing my opinions to Matt, who has taken up Sasha's spot on the ramp. Now, for a little background, my aunt was attacked by a pitbull that belong to neighbors, so I'm very wary of being outside at night with those things. Whatever was out there sounded BIG...HUGE...ENORMOUS! Matt flung a hammer into the bushes and for a minute the noise stopped. Then it started again. I ran inside and watched from the screen door. Matt yelled for me to get the gun....Gun? What gun? We don't own a gun? See, where I was thinking big dog, Matt was convinced it was a person, and I had just blown his bluff of having a gun.. lol. oops.

Matt is still flinging things off the porch when I decide it's time to go get him inside. All we're equipped with is a BB Gun I stole from James that has no BBs. Then, from the bushes, three black shadows emerge. Matt's pointing and yelling, "Look! Oh my God! Panda, what is it? Is it a possum?" (yes, I know it's spelled wrong) I squint into the darkness...I must note that there is still a loud moving noise coming from the bushes. The figures approach...and I see what they are...

.....

....

...Armadillos. Yes, the Texas native Nine-banded Armadillo. Each one easily as big or bigger than Sasha. Three of them. Coming towards the porch. Matt yells at them and flings something else...maybe a broom...at them. Then, surprisingly, one of them veers off course and comes toward the ramp! Right at us! 2 seconds later, I'm inside with Matt close on my heels. The whole time, he's yelling things like, "Oh honey, those things are massive! Can they get in the house? Will they attack you?"

So, while I tried to reassure Matt that armadillos do not usually attack people (although that one that came at us was pretty agressive), we watch as these things literally take over our yard. They strategically spread out, some going under our porch, others heading for the garage and another prowling our flower beds. By now, I'm feeling like I should wrap tin foil around my head like the kid in Signs. I mean it was weird. I've never seen that many armadillos at one time. There was anywhere from 3 to 6 armadillos outside. An Armadillo Migration. A definite experience of a lifetime. Now, Matt is recovering from a major adrenaline rush. This was his first time seeing an armadillo. I have a feeling we won't get much sleep tonight.

For those of you who don't live in TX, here's a picture of a Nine-Banded Armadillo.

Refineries at Night

I realized somethings tonight on my way home. Matt and I have often discussed the area we live in. I don't know if everyone discusses their home town this much or if it's just us, but it comes up a lot when we talk. We can both agree and strongly disagree on this subject. For example, we both agree the 4 acres we live on is the most beautiful in the area. We constantly disagree as to whether or not southeast Texas is, indeed, the armpit of Texas. Keep in mind, that Matt has a job that constantly forces him to look at the bad side of Beaumont. So here's somethings I love about my home town area that others may not appreciate.

1. Refineries at Night - I am very aware of the pollution these things cause, and during the day, they're just giant hunks of metal. I am aware that I live on what is called the cancer coast of America. But refineries are really pretty at night. When I was little, I used to see them as little cities. I would imagine that they looked like the New York skyline in the distance.

2. Flat Land - Hills are pretty, but plains are practical. You can grow things on them and your calf muscles aren't killing you after you push your groceries up hill to your parking space. I like being able to look in all directions for miles. And if you squint, a tree line can look like a mountain range.

3. The Rain - I like it when it rains. I DON'T like it when I have to drive in the rain. Rain, to me, is very calming, and the bigger the storm (excepting hurricanes) the better. I slept through Humberto, which was a Category 1 turn tropical storm that blew through a few years ago. If the electricity hadn't gone out, I would have done the same with Ike. The wind, rain, and thunder help me sleep.

4. The Heat - Don't get me wrong, I like snow and cold weather too (maybe occassionally is a better word). But I like basking in the sun. It gets rid of headaches and beats never being able to warm up.

5. The Greenery - We live in a sub-tropic zone, I think....from what I remember of geography. This makes everything really green. And I like it. Some people may like the brown/gray view of the mountains. I like a nice green lawn that nobody had to water. The Big Thicket rocks.

So, I will keep you updated on whether Matt and I decide to permanently reside in Texas or pick a different area. But I will always be able to see a few positives to living here.

Surprises in Life

It's funny how life NEVER works the way you plan. I think it's God's way of reminding me who's in charge. It's not the mechanics who "fixed" your car (which broke again after they said it was fixed finally). It's not the teachers who often and sometimes repeatedly get things wrong. And it's most certainly not the government. Life throws surprises at you. This week, it threw a massive flaming comet at me. It was one of those things that didn't hurt too bad, but definitely makes you think. So here I am again, (this happens a couple of times a year) everything I thought I knew has once again been ripped away and replaced by a new concept. For the privacy of some of my family, I cannot put what has happened on here. But I can say that right now I'm thinking people are really selfish sometimes. And sometimes your one selfish moment can effect everyone you have ever known. Even if only for a brief time. It leaves them asking the same questions your spouse and children are asking. People watch you from afar. They watch your actions and put faith in those actions. So when you act contrary to those images you have created, you break people's trust in you. It may not be fair, but it happens. People need to learn they don't live for themselves. Wouldn't things become fair then?

"She prayed too hard"

Admire my dream car, the Dodge Charger.

So, after my car once again stopped starting, my mom decided it was time to take it back to the dealership. Because it wouldn't start, she called my cousin, Frankie, who said he would take it up to Sour Lake for us. Mom and Katie (my 7 yr old cousin) said they prayed for it but, alas, nothing was happening. Then, around ten, my grandma came and prayed for the car...she turned the key...and the thing started. My mom, beyond elated, jumped in the car and drove off to Sour Lake while calling Frankie to cancel the tow. After talking with the mechanics who needed it to repeat it's lousy starting habit, we agreed to leave the car there until they can see it happen.

Now, as a reminder. My car has not consistently started for over a month. It starts about 1/3 of the time. We brought the car in on Friday last week. Today is Tuesday. It has started EVERY time they try it. Every. Stinking. Time. I asked Mom about this and her response: "I guess Mawmaw prayed too hard." lol. This is just a small picture of what my life is like on a daily basis.

In other news, I'm recovering from a nasty sunburn. It's in the peeling phase and driving me crazy. I'm also still searching for a job. The other day the phone rang and I eagerly picked it up. Here's what followed:

Me: Hello?

Caller: Hi Christy?

Me: (Thinking: O my gosh, it's a school! Job offer! Woohoo) Yes, this is Christy

Caller: Christy, this is Linda.

Me: (Thinking: Linda? Mom's friend? Or a job offer? Sounds nothing like Linda...) Oh, hi, how are you?

Caller: I'm good. I've been trying to get ahold of Matt all day, is he home?

Me: (Thinking: Oh that Linda! My mother-in-law) Yeah, he's here....

See? Every caller could be a potential employer, and yet everytime, it's my mom, or matt's mom, or my grandma. It's driving me CRAZY! All of you college students griping about going back to school...THANK GOD you're still in school. This is the worse economic time to graduate. lol. Other than that, though...I'm good. I'm going to shower and scrape off dead skin.