Disappointments Come in February

Have you ever had that one moment in your life when you truly regret something? Maybe it's nothing big, maybe it is. The fact remains that you did something you never thought you would, and though you're sincerely regretful and remorseful, "sorry" just doesn't seem to cover it. I had one of those moments- Actually, several of those moments - this past month. I will not pretend that I am not as confused by the world as everyone else. It's hard to find enough faith just to make it through the day sometimes. As a teacher, you will sometimes see and hear things you never wanted to. About kids. Kids who are so desperately trying to prove their maturity that they lose the innocence of childhood. There's an issue that's been bugging me for the last few months. I can't say what it is, because, frankly, its a private issue. Suffice it to say that it's one of those issues that can really suck the life out of you. It's always in the back of my mind, gnawing for attention and sometimes, it just gets too loud to ignore. Recently, my nearest and dearest have taken my dark moods personally. If you have, please consider that it was not meant to be an offense. Sometimes, things become overwhelming and its easier to lash out rather than ask for help.

I know what this sounds like. I am usually the one laughing at those who write complaints like these on the internet for all to see. I just want whoever may read this to know that if you've had an issue like this, you're not alone. All the doubts and insecurities are there for me too. It's easier to talk about faith than it is to live it. Several times in the past month the idea that faith comes in daily dosages has been put before me and I've finally realized that maybe its a message. We're told too often to plan for the future. Make sure you have a good credit score, take care of the bridges you burn, plan, plan, plan. I always seem to forget to enjoy what I have during the present. (Kinda like this blog...I'm rambling) My point is that we can't possibly know what in store for us in the future. God is so incredibly huge and non-human. We have to take our daily dosage of faith (a faith-vitamin, if you will) and trust that everything works out according to His will. We don't have to understand it, we just have to believe it. It's hard and it's sometimes pretty draining, but (I'm really praying) it's worth it.