Moving Forward

I haven't written a blog post in almost a year. There's a simple and not-so-simple explanation for this. Simple: its been a crazy year. Not so simple: I've had to do a lot of soul searching in the past 10 months and when that's happening, it's hard to organize your thoughts into one focused area for too long. 

Around this time last year, a series of events started the ball rolling on this journey I have found myself on. Most of these occurrences are too private to share. It all came to a point a little over a month ago. At that point, I was forced to take a good look at myself and ask, "who am I?" I've always been one to balk at the idea that you are not what you do. In my mind, until recently, what you did was   EXACTLY who you were. But then I really started looking at myself, and I don't want to be the person my past actions have define me as. That person has very little backbone and likes the status quo. I realized, during some intense introspection, that I like having the facade that everything is OK. That I have it all together. In contrast to that, the people I admire most are those who have the courage to simple be themselves and don't really give a damn what other people think. My desire for this picture perfect life I tried to create has been challenged unmercifully and in all honesty, I can say its not something I desire anymore. I just want to live life. And life is imperfect. I'm not going to make all the right decisions. Occasionally, things will fall apart. But living the life you think you're supposed to have will only leave you disappointed. 

If there is anything I have learned this year, its that you have to keep moving forward and embrace life as it happens. The good and the bad. Because the bad makes the good that much sweeter. I am grateful for the people in my life who have played a part in teaching me this lesson. The happiest people are those who can simply be content. They don't try to impress or cover up mistakes. They are true to themselves and others. I want to be one of those people.  

Doing it Myself

Ever since Christmas I have been absolutely addicted to DIY blogs and websites. I'm serious. If I'm not on Facebook, I'm looking up paint colors, light fixtures and trying to picture how those curtains would look in my bedroom. I know at this point I'm annoying Matt with my constant "I could totally do that..." Let me explain a few things before I go on. We live in a trailer. (manufactured home...whatever) so some of the things I would like to do are limited by shifting walls, a general lack of space and the fear that too much will literally cause the house to collapse. However, lately I have convinced myself that I can make whatever I want to do work in the area I have. I mean, people live comfortably in apartments half this size. I want us to enjoy our home and feel comfortable inviting people over. So my project this year is to make this place MINE. It's really time. We've been here 3 years now. Time to start fixing it up. So I have a few goals I'm setting for myself here.

1. Landscaping- I'm envious of my brother's patio. It looks like you've stepped into the secret garden. I want my yard to look like that. I want someone to walk up and be impressed with my greenery. Lol.

2. Paint- a budget friendly way to brighten and lighten lol

3. Find small space friendly storage options....

4. Declutter- we are one step away from a Hoarders Intervention.

5. Keep it clean - I am the worlds worst chore-doer lol

There's my goals. And here's a picture of my recent project which falls under #1: the front porch. It's not complete yet but it's getting there.

Patience...Probably Not My Virtue

I don't usually write personal blogs. Sure, I write about what's going on in my life and usually try to make a joke of it. But sometimes, it's good to put aside the joking and be serious for a change, and that's what I feel like doing now. Patience is not something I have mastered. Ever. Oh, I've tried. And usually I can wait things out a while... then I end up jumping the gun and starting a big mess. Most of you know my husband is looking for a job. Talk about trying someone's patience...this can do it. Taking care of a baby...also trying. Don't get me wrong. I love being with Oliver. But by the end of the day, all I want is a few hours of quiet. Especially after a long day of dealing with highschoolers. And when Oliver doesn't want to sleep...I need patience. I have a hard time taking a step back and waiting for the best answer. The American in me wants things my way. Now. And really, I get tired of my own voice in my head complaining about how unfair it is that I don't have a bigger car. That my husband doesn't have a job. That Oliver won't go to bed on a routine like the internet claims most babies do. This lack of patience usually makes me want to skip over the "little stuff" and just get on to the big parts of life (you know - buying a house, winning the lottery, etc). I know, I'm a horrible person for saying it. But I know too that whether they admit it or not, there are a LOT of people out there that secretely feel this way. It's not the right way to feel. We would all like to say we enjoy every small moment of life. But in reality, most of us wait for the next big event to happen. We've learn to measure our lives by accomplishment and the in-between times are the hardest to wait out. But it's those "small moments" that end up meaning the most. My best memories aren't getting married (I was terrified of having to be the center of attention) or giving birth to Oliver (I was unconscious most of the time). It's the card Matt gave me on my first birthday we were together, the way Oliver points at things and I swear he says "this" even though it sounds more like "chis". There are a lot of things I want in life and I know that in reality, some of them won't happen. Like I will probably never move to Boston. But if I could master patience...my life would be pretty awesome. My goal for myself is to wait upon the Lord. (Yes, I know! I mentioned God! Be alarmed and then get over...God really is a big part of my life). This will require a lot of nail-biting and sitting on my hands but I know that everything works perfectly according to His will...not mine. In fact, things I plan rarely work out the way they were supposed to. You'd think we would have had this conversation long ago. And now, I will put this to practice and not get frustrated that Oliver is grabbing at the mouse as I try to type and NOT SLEEPING!!!

Spring Break Thoughts

I love having time off. However, sometimes time off means I get bored. I like to stay busy. Not in the way my mom does. Her idea of busy is: let's build a new part to the house, let's clean, let's do the clothes. I wish I had this idea of busy. My idea of busy is more like - how can I be entertained? I blame Disney and big toy corporations, of course, like everyone of my generation. So far this Spring Break, I have rearranged my living room (I'm still not convinced Matt actually likes it), gone to Galveston for a few days, mowed my lawn, and tended to my garden and yet...here I sit...blogging because I'm bored. I have clothes to do, and my house could always use a good cleaning session, but they all require more time than I'm willing to commit at the minute. I'm a thinker. Which means, sadly, I always have a plan, and rarely do my plans come to life. For example - I would LOVE to remodel this house. If I'm stuck here for the next few years, I feel like it should be the way I want it. But lack of funds is keeping it the same old house it's been for the last four years. All I need is about $5,000 and a babysitter for a week. I promise. lol. Oh well. The rest of my Spring Break is actually dedicated to de-cluttering and cleaning. Matt and I collect a lot of junk. I like to tell myself we're not to the hoarding phase but we really do have a LOT of stuff we never use. We just never consolidated after we got married and moved in with each other. That's what this week's goal is - GET RID OF THE JUNK! Oh, and try to do as much prep for Oliver's birthday party as possible (make decorations). Which is less than a month away!!!! Crazy.

Diet Drama

Today is DAY 10 of my diet! And I'm proud to say that except for yesterday, I've done fairly well. I lost two pounds last week. My goal is to lose 30 lbs by May 25th. And there's no better way to do that then to tell everyone, because as some of you know - my biggest fear is failure. So I'm making my own motivation. DON'T LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!!! At the same time I'm trying to LOSE weight, Matt is trying to GAIN weight. So we're both counting calories just in the opposite direction. :) This leads for some issues on the temptation table. Matt keeps buying high-calorie goodness and leaving it everywhere! Which is probably what led to me binge eating some pizza yesterday. I'm using the myfitnesspal app to track my diet and it's really an awesome tool for those of you looking to lose weight. So far, I've really only kept to the food side of things. I'm hoping to pick up the exercise. I'm just trying to find the right exercise for me. I am absolutely AWFUL at running. After running/walking half a mile, I sound like a dying cow. I'm so serious. It's pathetic. I know I could eventually get better. But that's a long time. Hopefully I find my thing soon so I can start shedding these pounds! So, if you want to join my weight loss challenge, let me know so we can work out together!

How time flies...

Hey, guess what? I'm back! As you can see from the side bar, I've had this blog for a while, but recently decided to commit to writing more? Why? Well, simply put...peer pressure. All my friends are blogging now, and I don't want to be left out. It's hard to believe its 2012. Of course, I should probably start accepting it and start living life considering that in December, the Mayans that left with Elvis on Martian ships will return to destroy our planet and only spare the Libertarian Party...did I get that right? 2012. And nothing is as I expected it to be. I'm still here, living across the drive way from mom, but I like to think both Matt and I are beginning to see some of the pluses of having family this close.

Matt has completed the academy and is now ready to protect and serve in a community near you.(I know, I have no shame...but seriously, spread the word.

I just recently returned from a trip to NYC. We take a group of students there every other year and this trip really made me think about how much my life has changed. For one thing, by the end of the first year, mandy Key and I were ready to have a throw down at the football field. This trip, I am proud to say that we not only got along, we actually enjoyed our time...at least, she hasn't told me otherwise. We had some crazy experiences on this trip. Some funny. Some not so funny. There was little to no sleep, and i'll leave it to your imaginations rather than explain what it's like having 50 kids follow you through one of the biggest cities on the planet.

Legally, I can't go into experiences we had with the students, but suffice it to say, it was never boring. The story I want to tell you is of our Broadway experience. Now, I like to think of myself as a cultured person. I absolutely LOVE musicals, and I'm open to seeing anything on Broadway once. So we let the kids vote on what to see. Their choices were "Wicked", "Mary Poppins", and "The Lin King". I won't lie, I was pushing Mary Poppins. But the kids wanted to see the Lion King and I was ok with that. Until we saw it. Now, I am willing to concede a bit. I only had three hours of sleep thenight before, so I was already kind of out of it. But when we got to the second half when men came out in nude leotards and were playing the part of grass, it was a little much for me. I lost it and laughed like a 13 year old. If you have not seen the Lion King, I would never discourage you from seeing it. The costumes (with the exception of the Kentucky Blue playboys) were superb. If you loved the movie, then you will definitely enjoy the musical. Just, get some sleep the night before and remember you're an adult.

I realize I rambled a bit in this one. I promise to be more...literate in the blogs to come. Oliver is adjusting to a new sleeping arrangement and that means Mama goes without sleep! So, I'll leave you with the promise to return soon (and with more sleep).

It's all fun and games

I know they're going out of style like fanny packs and mullets, but I LOVE board games. This is probably a result of Mom never buying us Nintendos or PlayStations. But with 5+ kids, who can blame her? So our evenings were often spent playing a variety of board games often with several pieces missing or improvised pieces. Now, I'm not necessarily a lover of competition. Except when it comes to family. If I'm going up against one of my brothers or sisters you can bet your bottom dollar that I will give it all I have. My MeeMaw was an epic original gamer. She taught me the ageless games of chicken foot, Pollyanna, Skip-Bo, Uno, and several others. But her most important lesson? Never, ever, EVER lose. If that means that your three year old granddaughter cries her eyes out because you "killed" her pieces every single time she left home, then so be it. And yes, the word was "kill" and we did indeed lose to our grandmother. There was no everyone wins or take pity on the younger players. - END RANT -

As a result of this upbringing, I have been a part of some epic game nights. (Although Phillip informed me I missed a good one this past Saturday...poor Brad.) I've watched Phillip and Charlie battle it out at Monopoly until 4am when Phillip lost and cried like a baby. I've been on the receiving end of Spoon Wounds. (If you don't know what Spoon wounds are...sign up for the next game night.) When the games come out, the only rules that apply are those established by the great Parker Bros. themselves. Whether is Sibling v. Sibling, Parent v. Child, or Protestants v. Catholics, the gloves can and will come off. Video games aren't really my style. There's no interaction. An energetic game of Uno, though? Well, you can get 10 people from completely different backgrounds ready to rip each other to shreds over a red number 6. THAT's gaming.

So this post is dedicated to Game Night. Gather your friends and family. Tell your children, "See your brother? Take him out". And watch how much fun they have. Let them know that winning IS everything, and if you lose, the only appropriate response is to rechallenge the winner for your family's honor. There's no pouting allowed. Only cold, ruthless revenge taken by slaughtering your opponents wooden game piece. I guarantee you will have much more fun than Wii Bowling. Until next post...Happy 4th of July and I hope you add a little competition to the holidays.