On a roll

This is my second post in one day. Either I need a life, or...well, I probably just need a life. I decided to write because, it turns out, I was right. Today was important. I still don't know if it was a good important or a bad important. Let's talk straight for a minute. This isn't an evangelical spill, it's just me putting my thoughts out into the world. I believe there is a God. Now, to be specific, I believe there is one God and His Son's name is Jesus. Now, I won't go any further except to say that I believe that God will speak to us in a still, small voice. That voice can change our whole lives. In less than a second. I've always wondered how missionaries just give everything up and go to an alien land to share God's love. Even as a Christian, I wonder, is it indoctrinization or is it faith? Why does the world have to be such a foggy shade of gray? Today I was faced with a choice. Either I can listen to what I believe is God's voice in my life, or I can ignore it and continue on with what's expected of me. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that leap of faith. I care what people think about me. I care what they say. As shallow and small as that sounds. Needless to say, I'm going to have to decide. And I'm afraid it'll be the wrong choice.

Sunday Mornings

It's a foggy Sunday morning here in Fannett. My grandpa (RIP) once told me that if it's a foggy morning it'll be a warm day. He wasn't a meteorologist, but this proves true about 95% of the time around here, so I'm hoping it pulls through today. The house is littered with Dr. Pepper cans and laundry. Seems no matter how much I pick up, more replaces it. I'm starting to feel the need for a massive Spring Cleaning. The only problem with that thought is it requires Matt to be home. He tends to worry if I'm going through his stuff without him. I, however, find this more efficient because he's not there to stop me from throwing away the jeans he never wears, has had for 10 years, and has one leg that is about to fall off because of the tears and holes. :) And honestly, after a week, he forgets he ever owned them so hopefully you see my point.

This is going to be an important day. I just feel it. Like things will either get better or worse from this point. Sunday mornings are usually like that to a small extent for me. When I was little, I can remember waking up at 7:30 EVERY Sunday morning. Dad would have breakfast ready and we'd have to eat while Mom tried to decide what we'd wear and sing at Church. (Because as most of you know, the Thomas family had to coordinate every Sunday) Dad would usually be the first one dressed and watching TV waiting for everyone to get ready. All of this sounds pretty uneventful, but it was the atmosphere of it all. Like Sunday was your chance to start over. It was a new week. Whatever the kids were laughing about on Friday was forgotten by Monday, you could get your hair cut on Friday and by Sunday, it wasn't looking so nerdy anymore....lol. I have a whole list of things. Sundays were usually busy but important.

I'm sitting here, hoping that today is one of those Sundays. I still have thirty minutes until I have to wake Matt up. Today, the dogs are still sleeping with him, which makes me happy. It's just me and Boris, who doesn't make too much noise, and except for the loud noise the computers been making for the last few days, it's pretty peaceful. I hope these are all good omens.

I'll sign off by saying I hope you all have a great Sunday. Give church a try, relax, have some sweet tea and enjoy your family.

Disappointments Come in February

Have you ever had that one moment in your life when you truly regret something? Maybe it's nothing big, maybe it is. The fact remains that you did something you never thought you would, and though you're sincerely regretful and remorseful, "sorry" just doesn't seem to cover it. I had one of those moments- Actually, several of those moments - this past month. I will not pretend that I am not as confused by the world as everyone else. It's hard to find enough faith just to make it through the day sometimes. As a teacher, you will sometimes see and hear things you never wanted to. About kids. Kids who are so desperately trying to prove their maturity that they lose the innocence of childhood. There's an issue that's been bugging me for the last few months. I can't say what it is, because, frankly, its a private issue. Suffice it to say that it's one of those issues that can really suck the life out of you. It's always in the back of my mind, gnawing for attention and sometimes, it just gets too loud to ignore. Recently, my nearest and dearest have taken my dark moods personally. If you have, please consider that it was not meant to be an offense. Sometimes, things become overwhelming and its easier to lash out rather than ask for help.

I know what this sounds like. I am usually the one laughing at those who write complaints like these on the internet for all to see. I just want whoever may read this to know that if you've had an issue like this, you're not alone. All the doubts and insecurities are there for me too. It's easier to talk about faith than it is to live it. Several times in the past month the idea that faith comes in daily dosages has been put before me and I've finally realized that maybe its a message. We're told too often to plan for the future. Make sure you have a good credit score, take care of the bridges you burn, plan, plan, plan. I always seem to forget to enjoy what I have during the present. (Kinda like this blog...I'm rambling) My point is that we can't possibly know what in store for us in the future. God is so incredibly huge and non-human. We have to take our daily dosage of faith (a faith-vitamin, if you will) and trust that everything works out according to His will. We don't have to understand it, we just have to believe it. It's hard and it's sometimes pretty draining, but (I'm really praying) it's worth it.