Thinking Thoughts

It's 4 minutes to 1 in the morning. This sudden surge of energy is the LAST thing I needed tonight. Matt's gotten into the habit of staying up later and later every night. Then, he wonders why he's exhausted when he gets home the next day. I don't want this habit. It's his to keep. I'm currently laying here thinking about several things as Matt snacks in the living room. 1. I don't use half of the space in my bedroom. Why? Because it's a giant hallway to the doorless bathroom. That annoys me. 2. I would really like a bathroom with a door. 3. I'm going to be extremely tired tomorrow. Good thing Spring Break is in almost 24 hours. 4. It annoys me when Matt says we do not have groceries, when in fact, we have just run out of junk food. 5. It still scares me that I'm an adult. 6. I don't feel like watching Luther 3 times tomorrow with kids who just don't seem to grasp the importance of the Protestant Reformation. 7. Mrs. Key is awesome. Even when she insinuates inappropriate things. 8. I'm starting to firmly believe that moving closer to Hardin would be a wise decision. 9. I'm not really mad at Mom. (Hope you're reading) I just want her to accept I can handle things and have a little confidence in me. 10. I should really stick a pillow behind me. My head hurts laying against the wall.

See? Several things. I have been working and planning on a budget all week. And I think I have a fairly good one if I say so myself. There are some big plans in the works, but I haven't told everyone so I'll keep it quiet here. I think I may be on the verge of a break through. I won't lie, these past few months have been hard. Physically, emotionally, financially. All of it. At the same time, I get more frustrated because when I'm stressed my sense of humor goes down the drain. And, this is arrogant, I enjoy myself sometimes. I used to love being by myself. I could always find something to work on. Then I met Matt and he became my spare time hobby. Well, now we are beginning to go back to separate hobbies I think. In a way, this makes me sad, because I really enjoy sharing things with Matt. On the other hand, maybe some of our skirmishes have been a result of TOO much time together. We're redefining ourselves. :)

As I'm sure you've noticed, I ramble when I'm tired. And I'm getting sleepy. I should blog more often when I can't sleep. Apparently it helps. I'm really really really trying to stay upbeat. I'm feeling a little more confident about myself lately. I think sometimes Matt feels I'm being more...."assertive" (or stubborn or determined...lol) than usual. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm really trying to become a better person, and I want to fix what's around me. I really think Matt's more annoyed by my inability to verbally communicate thoughts. They really just flow when I'm writing, but if I'm trying to speak the words to Matt...I go blank. I end up saying "I don't know." when I really mean, "I do know. We should start with A and work our way to B. If you'd just hand me a scratch pad to doodle and outline, we'd get a lot further in our planning." Stupid Ready Writing. Maybe I should get a recorder and start writing aloud. lol. Maybe I should sign off and go to sleep. Best idea of the evening. I hope you all are recovering from the doozy of a winter we had. Can't wait for summer!