Finally the Weekend

This has been a long week, in every way possible. Thankfully, it wasn't anywhere near the drama I was going through a few months ago. We seemed to have settled in a peaceful period, no matter how brief it may be. The quiet, however, seems to have it's own challenges. Loneliness for one. And I recognize that to some extent that this is a self imposed exile but I'm starting to feel the cabin fever seeping in. Which is odd, because I'm hardly ever home. We are always on the go.  Lately, though, I feel like I have nothing new to say. The divorce? Not settled. Work? Not fun. The kids? Happy. I've had the feeling that I was starting to get boring but this week just confirmed it. I don't want to be the person that no one wants around because they just bring down the mood. As much as I try, however, I've become just that. 

The beginning of this week also brought me face to face with reality that even though things are starting to fall in place, I can't rewind time. My past is always there. And some mistakes will haunt you a life time. There will always be the nagging question of "what if?". And in my case, it was more damned if you do, damned if you don't. (At least from my perspective - two choices and both ended with "what if?") So these slightly pessimistic thoughts have left me wanting a little solitude and at the same time- hating it. This probably makes absolutely no sense, but I'm forcing myself to write. Hope you have a wonderful long weekend!