It Takes a Village

The last year has felt like I am living someone else's life.  I used to feel like writing helped clear my head and now, I feel like I cannot write until my head is cleared.  While the past month has not been nearly as emotionally taxing as those before it, it has been...busy.  We are going back to court this week, and I am so ready for this to be over.  Just to have it settled, whether it is in my favor or against, will be a relief.  But even these orders will only be temporary.  

Despite everything, the past few weeks have reminded how blessed I am.  If we have a flight or fight instinct, mine is definitely flight.  I'm not talking about leaving town, although a vacation would be nice.  I just want a fresh start, with people who don't know me or my issues and a chance to feel free.  But the adult that is somewhere in me reminds me that it is not always possible and not always the right thing to do.  And when my immature side begins to win, there's plenty of people to set me straight.  If there's anything I have learned, it's to listen to the people who care about me.  I tried to live life by myself and it got me nowhere.  So, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and do it better in Round 2.  They say it takes a village to raise a child.  Right now, it takes a village to keep me and the kids on track.  Whenever I feel like giving up or running away, there is someone there to knock some sense into me.  When I'm down, they're there building me up again for the hundredth time.  When I say the wrong thing, they forgive me.  That's when I'm reminded that no matter what I've gone through to get here, it's worth it, because I'm surrounded by a great group of friends and family.  It's not big, but it's more than enough.  All of them willing to stop whatever they're doing to help me out, and I am so appreciative.  I don't know how to put my feelings into words because I don't think words are enough.  The past two weekends have been perfect.  And just what I needed to keep going.  This school year is almost over, and with it, comes new life choices and decisions that must be made.  You would think the fact that I don't have a teaching position lined up for next year would scare me, but it doesn't.  When I graduated from college, I did not get one single call from schools until the first week of August.  Hardin was the only school that called and the only interview I had.  And I still believe, to this day, that it was where I was supposed to be. The people  I met there got me through a rough time, and I don't think I would've made it without them. I appreciate everyone in my life.  And every act of kindness and generosity towards me and the kids.  I'm convinced that you're all the most beautiful people on Earth and I'm so glad to be a part of your lives.