2010: A Space Odyssey

I love this time of year! I truly, honestly do. It finally starts to warm up and I convince myself that this will be the year that I will do better. See, the official New Year doesn't cut it for me. It's cold and dreary, and not at all promising. So I celebrate now. Around the end of April, beginning of May. It starts to get warm. Everything becomes green again and I pretend I'm an out-doors kind of person. This winter was awful. Everything that could go wrong, did. But I have the feeling this summer will be much better. I feel like I've changed for the better. It's still a long process, but I just feel different. Inside. Where they say it counts. This post isn't going to be long. I've kinda had a brain drain lately, but I wanted to shout out that I LOVE LIFE! I LOVE MY HUSBAND! AND I LOVE GOD! (I also love the dogs, but don't tell them, they're spoiled as it is.)

A Few of My Favorite Things:

Here's a list I made up this afternoon while I was trying my new positive thing:
-Sitting in the sun
-Wearing hats (but only the cool ones)
-Giant bushes of pink hibiscus
-The way Matt always thinks he's right
-Dreaming of the future
-Cloud watching
-Finding Orion when I go outside at night
-Dill pickles
-Playing my guitar outside
-Laying in a hammock
-Accomplishing something I thought I couldn't
-Giving to others
-My grandpa's truck
-The idea of moving away from here
-The idea of building a house right here
-Making Matt happy
-Hanging out with Phillip
-Singing loudly in the car....but only when I'm alone
-Thinking about God
-Water-gun fights
-Mulberries
-Remembering good times
-Being naive
-Writing letters
-A good come back
-Irony
-The story of Ruth
-"Just because" cards
-Talking about Frank and baseball (Don't worry if you don't get it)

The End and Baseball

Matt and I rented 2012 today. Not exactly a movie that gets you thinking about the end of the world in my opinion, but to each his own. I have actually heard several people say this movie made them consider how the world will end....
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Anyways, I have decided that while planning helps in things like your education and saving money, you can't really plan for life. You can try and try but in the end, sometimes things just don't swing your way. I know, it sounds like I'm going cynical again, but just hold on and stay with me. My fellow man seems to think that if you plan and organize your life, then life will return the favor and always throw you softballs. But the truth is, there is always a change up. Sometimes this is for the best, and you pull off one of the greatests "at-bats" the world has ever seen. Other times, you strike out and have to start over. My mom's a big planner. She mapped out my entire first 18 years of life. Then I had to step up to the plate. Still there. I've managed to fight off being out with a few fouls and balls, but still haven't made that big hit yet.

Ok, that's all my baseball lingo. If I had the time I'd go read Ender's Game again. But I don't, so I'll just wrap up school work and think about how much I should be exercising.

The Lesson of Daily Bread

I can honestly say that at this moment, the direction my life will take has never been more uncertain. Now, to that I will add: Although I have no clue what the future holds, I've never been more certain that I am heading in the right direction. Every other day, I have a better plan. One that will fix all the problems of the last one and promise an even greater outcome. And every other day, I change my mind and decide that maybe that plan isn't it. It would sound to some like I'm having a bit of a crisis. But the truth is, I have NEVER felt more sure of myself. I don't know what brought this about. One conversation two weeks ago with my husband seemed to fix everything. It's odd how things end up working out. Matt and I were 500 miles from each other, on the phone, when everything just clicked and fell into place. It wasn't either of us. It was God. We had gotten ourselves into a funk that nothing else could get us out of. I feel like I have purpose once again. And that's a great feeling. So here's the lesson of the Daily Bread. I have been reading and re-reading Matthew Chapter 6 since Sunday. In the Lord's Prayer, there is only one thing we're told to ask for that isn't spiritual. Our daily bread. Jesus doesn't say ask for your daily bread and a few extra slices just in case. When the Hebrews were given manna in the desert. They received their daily bread. Period. Extra manna was ruined. So I've decided to be happy with my daily bread. If I'm full, healthy, with my husband, and know who my God is, what more do I have to ask for? It's not easy for me to do all the time. But since I've had this mindset, I've been 100% happier.

Thinking Thoughts

It's 4 minutes to 1 in the morning. This sudden surge of energy is the LAST thing I needed tonight. Matt's gotten into the habit of staying up later and later every night. Then, he wonders why he's exhausted when he gets home the next day. I don't want this habit. It's his to keep. I'm currently laying here thinking about several things as Matt snacks in the living room. 1. I don't use half of the space in my bedroom. Why? Because it's a giant hallway to the doorless bathroom. That annoys me. 2. I would really like a bathroom with a door. 3. I'm going to be extremely tired tomorrow. Good thing Spring Break is in almost 24 hours. 4. It annoys me when Matt says we do not have groceries, when in fact, we have just run out of junk food. 5. It still scares me that I'm an adult. 6. I don't feel like watching Luther 3 times tomorrow with kids who just don't seem to grasp the importance of the Protestant Reformation. 7. Mrs. Key is awesome. Even when she insinuates inappropriate things. 8. I'm starting to firmly believe that moving closer to Hardin would be a wise decision. 9. I'm not really mad at Mom. (Hope you're reading) I just want her to accept I can handle things and have a little confidence in me. 10. I should really stick a pillow behind me. My head hurts laying against the wall.

See? Several things. I have been working and planning on a budget all week. And I think I have a fairly good one if I say so myself. There are some big plans in the works, but I haven't told everyone so I'll keep it quiet here. I think I may be on the verge of a break through. I won't lie, these past few months have been hard. Physically, emotionally, financially. All of it. At the same time, I get more frustrated because when I'm stressed my sense of humor goes down the drain. And, this is arrogant, I enjoy myself sometimes. I used to love being by myself. I could always find something to work on. Then I met Matt and he became my spare time hobby. Well, now we are beginning to go back to separate hobbies I think. In a way, this makes me sad, because I really enjoy sharing things with Matt. On the other hand, maybe some of our skirmishes have been a result of TOO much time together. We're redefining ourselves. :)

As I'm sure you've noticed, I ramble when I'm tired. And I'm getting sleepy. I should blog more often when I can't sleep. Apparently it helps. I'm really really really trying to stay upbeat. I'm feeling a little more confident about myself lately. I think sometimes Matt feels I'm being more...."assertive" (or stubborn or determined...lol) than usual. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm really trying to become a better person, and I want to fix what's around me. I really think Matt's more annoyed by my inability to verbally communicate thoughts. They really just flow when I'm writing, but if I'm trying to speak the words to Matt...I go blank. I end up saying "I don't know." when I really mean, "I do know. We should start with A and work our way to B. If you'd just hand me a scratch pad to doodle and outline, we'd get a lot further in our planning." Stupid Ready Writing. Maybe I should get a recorder and start writing aloud. lol. Maybe I should sign off and go to sleep. Best idea of the evening. I hope you all are recovering from the doozy of a winter we had. Can't wait for summer!

On a roll

This is my second post in one day. Either I need a life, or...well, I probably just need a life. I decided to write because, it turns out, I was right. Today was important. I still don't know if it was a good important or a bad important. Let's talk straight for a minute. This isn't an evangelical spill, it's just me putting my thoughts out into the world. I believe there is a God. Now, to be specific, I believe there is one God and His Son's name is Jesus. Now, I won't go any further except to say that I believe that God will speak to us in a still, small voice. That voice can change our whole lives. In less than a second. I've always wondered how missionaries just give everything up and go to an alien land to share God's love. Even as a Christian, I wonder, is it indoctrinization or is it faith? Why does the world have to be such a foggy shade of gray? Today I was faced with a choice. Either I can listen to what I believe is God's voice in my life, or I can ignore it and continue on with what's expected of me. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that leap of faith. I care what people think about me. I care what they say. As shallow and small as that sounds. Needless to say, I'm going to have to decide. And I'm afraid it'll be the wrong choice.

Sunday Mornings

It's a foggy Sunday morning here in Fannett. My grandpa (RIP) once told me that if it's a foggy morning it'll be a warm day. He wasn't a meteorologist, but this proves true about 95% of the time around here, so I'm hoping it pulls through today. The house is littered with Dr. Pepper cans and laundry. Seems no matter how much I pick up, more replaces it. I'm starting to feel the need for a massive Spring Cleaning. The only problem with that thought is it requires Matt to be home. He tends to worry if I'm going through his stuff without him. I, however, find this more efficient because he's not there to stop me from throwing away the jeans he never wears, has had for 10 years, and has one leg that is about to fall off because of the tears and holes. :) And honestly, after a week, he forgets he ever owned them so hopefully you see my point.

This is going to be an important day. I just feel it. Like things will either get better or worse from this point. Sunday mornings are usually like that to a small extent for me. When I was little, I can remember waking up at 7:30 EVERY Sunday morning. Dad would have breakfast ready and we'd have to eat while Mom tried to decide what we'd wear and sing at Church. (Because as most of you know, the Thomas family had to coordinate every Sunday) Dad would usually be the first one dressed and watching TV waiting for everyone to get ready. All of this sounds pretty uneventful, but it was the atmosphere of it all. Like Sunday was your chance to start over. It was a new week. Whatever the kids were laughing about on Friday was forgotten by Monday, you could get your hair cut on Friday and by Sunday, it wasn't looking so nerdy anymore....lol. I have a whole list of things. Sundays were usually busy but important.

I'm sitting here, hoping that today is one of those Sundays. I still have thirty minutes until I have to wake Matt up. Today, the dogs are still sleeping with him, which makes me happy. It's just me and Boris, who doesn't make too much noise, and except for the loud noise the computers been making for the last few days, it's pretty peaceful. I hope these are all good omens.

I'll sign off by saying I hope you all have a great Sunday. Give church a try, relax, have some sweet tea and enjoy your family.