Christmas!

I'm often amazed by how supportive my family is.  I don't say it enough but my parents are amazing.  I'm almost positive that half the time they don't even begin to understand why I do the things I do, but they never try to bring me down.  And after this past year, there's probably been a few times they wanted to take me down a notch or two. :)  My in-laws rank right up there as well.  I'm pretty sure I could tell them I wanted to be an astronaut and they would tell me to go for it. This Christmas has been the perfect example of how much awesome-ness I am surrounded by.  Every single person in my family went out of their way to make sure this was the best Christmas so far.  The kids and I enjoyed every minute of it.  Today was exactly what we needed to jump start this new chapter of our life and I'm so thankful to everyone who was a part of it.  I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas just as much.  Now, let the countdown to 2014 begin!

Let the countdown begin...

I am finally starting to believe that 2013 will end with me still in one piece, both mentally and physically. It's been a tough year.  And, sadly, I believe it's been a tough year for everyone I know.  My problems are not the worst I have heard of, and my heart goes out to those people.  Divorce is a very strange process.  It has the ability to bring out the best and worst in people.  And it has done both with me.  Like most people, I don't like to dwell on the things I do wrong, but I am not so ignorant as to believe that I played no part in the dissolution of my marriage. As I've touched on before, I am grateful that I have learned so many things from it and can move forward.  I've learned that I can handle a lot more than I thought I could.  And with that in mind, I've decided I can learn to be positive.  January 1, 2013 was a different world than I will enter on January 1, 2014.  I am a new person with new experiences and goals and get to build a whole new life for myself and the kids.  My brother put a 2013 recap on his facebook status and it really put things into perspective for me.  He hasn't had an easy year, either. 2013 will be a year to remember for both of us.  Some of it was bad, sure.  But I like to think that what we've learned and GAINED from this year will be what we really remember twenty years from now.  A new beginning.  A beautiful daughter.  New friends.  It's worth it.  Life isn't only about being happy and having good moments, and I get so frustrated with people who believe that.  A perfect relationship doesn't exist.  A perfect career doesn't exist.  Most days, you will go home tired, upset or exhausted.  However, there will be those days when everything goes right.  When you feel like you can conquer the world.  And those days are worth all the bad ones.  They're what keeps you going to the next great day.  So, I know a lot of you are looking to put this year behind you.  Try to find some good from it.  Be grateful for the things you have and the problems you DON'T have.  Start 2014 with the right perspective.

I hope all my teacher friends survive the last week.  I know I will NOT be moving from my couch all day Saturday unless a screaming child is needing something.

Grad School, Here I Come!

It's always been my plan to attend grad school, and up till this semester, I was pretty sure it would be to continue to my history PhD.  However, there are a few wrenches in that plan.  First, I have two very young children.  Second, I really need to be in a better financial position, being that I don't want to spend the next ten years paying off student loans.  And third, I'd like to try my hand at administration.  I think it may actually be more to my liking than I originally thought.  So, with all this in mind, and the fact that my alma mater offers a decent Masters in Education degree (most of it online), I made the plunge and applied for grad school.  If all goes according to plan, I will start next fall.  I'm pretty excited about this next step.  At the very least, it will give me a new appreciation for my bosses and a master's degree, which means a pay raise.  And even if I'm unable to find a job right off, teachers are supposed to be lifelong learners themselves, so expanding my knowledge on the education system can only help. So, look for updates in the future.  My plans are to get this degree, work for a bit, and once the kiddos are older, go back for my PhD in history, with the idea that I may have more time to commit in the future.

Divorce

I've debated with myself on whether or not to post about my divorce.  Even though I regularly post things to Facebook, I'm actually a pretty private person.  Even this post, if you're reading it, will not be a time to air my dirty laundry, but its just a reflection of things I've learned.  If you had met me four years ago, I would have laughed at the idea that I would ever be going through a divorce.  When it comes to relationships, I prefer the old-school ideas of commitment and working out your problems.  (<--I meant that to sound as arrogant as it does.) But the fact is (a fact I was not prepared for) relationships are hard.  They're hard when both people are working 100% for it to be successful.  And every degree that you let that slip, it just gets worse.  And if one person is not willing to work at all, then you might as well walk away, because at that point the relationship is doing nothing or worse. And yes, it gets worse than nothing. Friendships, Family, Marriage - every interaction with another human being is part of building relationships.  It takes a constant effort to maintain that relationship whether it is good or bad.

Here's what I learned from my marriage and divorce -

1.  Children are awesome.  I was never 100% convinced I wanted kids until I had them.  They are seriously the best thing that came out of my marriage and I wouldn't want it any other way.

2.  Getting divorced doesn't make you a bad parent.  Being a dirtbag makes you a bad parent.  Separated parents can still make their kids feel loved and supported and help them make this rocky journey we call life without too many dysfunctions.

3. Don't give up several good relationships for one.  If anyone ever asks you or pressures you to abandon a friendship or family when you don't have a problem with them.  Just walk away.  This isn't even exclusive to marriage.  It's just the right thing to do.

4.  Lies are like fire.  They very quickly get out of control and destroy things.

5.  Forgiveness is both the hardest and most necessary thing in life.  You must receive it and be willing to give it.  And forget about the offense once you give it.

6.  You have to be willing to adapt.  For a relationship to be successful AND for you to be able to walk away from one.  You have to look at yourself and say, "This isn't working.  What needs to change?"

7.  Accept friendship from unexpected sources.  This past year (married and divorced) has taught me the true meaning of friendship and to accept it from anyone.  Anyone can be a friend, you just have to give them a chance.

8.  Don't be arrogant.  NEVER, EVER think that it couldn't happen to you.  It will.  And it will be a lot easier to recover if you haven't burned bridges by being a pompous jerk.

9.  Don't judge others.  This is closely tied to number 9, but it needs to be stressed.  You don't know what other people have been through and you will never understand what they were going through when they decided to give up.

10.  Empathize with others.  Show them your weaknesses and accept theirs.  Love them anyways.  Let them know you've been there and it's hard but people get over it.  The people who have helped me the most have simply said, "I've been there.  It's ok to get stressed.  Here, have some chocolate."

11.  You can't ignore a problem.  Whether its rust on the swimming pool or communication in a relationship.  If you ignore it, it will only get bigger.  It's probably inconvenient or uncomfortable to deal with but its better than letting it spread. ((Dad, that pool reference is for you...story for another blog))

12.  Don't post about it on Facebook.  People who post their problems on Facebook are looking for drama and attention.  90% of the people who read this blog and my Facebook have no idea why  I am getting divorced and probably never will.  It's none of their business anyway.  Besides, bashing an ex may make you feel better, but it eventually gets to the kids.  And kids internalize things.  They don't need your drama either.

13.  Divorce shouldn't be your first option.  Go to counseling.  Talk.  TRY. There are people who hit rock bottom and can get out of it together.

14.  Don't be jealous.  Your relationship didn't work?  You're still single?  It's ok.  It all works out in the end.

and finally...

15.  Be happy wherever you are.  Married, divorced, single, poor, rich....It doesn't mean you have to be a negative, bitter person.  You're alive.  Live.  You're always better off than someone else.

"It's fogging from the trees!"

Oliver is very quickly picking up on this talking thing.  He is also really into Christmas movies, which means he has figured out what snow is...kind of.  He knows what snow looks like.  But, being that we live in good ole Southeast Texas and nowhere near a "White Christmas" region, he has never seen snow.  Last week we had a heavy fog advisory in the area, and Oliver got REALLY excited when he saw a blanket of fog in the yard.  He immediately ran out into it laughing.

Oliver: "It's snowing, Mama!"
Me: "That's not snow, bud.  It's fog."
Oliver: "It's fogging!!! From the trees!"

He really did not care that this was not actually snow.  To him, it looked just like the snow on TV (give him a break, he's two).   As for it's "fogging from the trees", I can only assume he was talking about the water droplets that fall from the trees when its really foggy.  He took a few minutes to run in circles in the yard before I made him get in the car.  (He literally runs in circles, going "Run in Circles!  Run in Circles!"  I've come to learn this means he is really excited. )

Given that you NEVER know what type of weather to expect on Christmas around here, Oliver may get his white Christmas after all, and apparently he will be satisfied with fog or snow.  Can't wait for that kid to get back from his Daddy's so we can finish up our Christmas preparations.

A Very Cheesy Christmas

Christmas means all my favorite seasonal shows are on TV. Frosty the Snowman is a new favorite in the Jones family (for Oliver...rediscovered for myself), as well as How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and I'm hoping to catch Rudolph before Christmas. But seasonal films also means that you will definitely get your fill of cheesy romance/miracle movies and heaven forbid....the Christmas Shoes!!! I cannot watch that movie. Ever. It listen to the song. Whoever wrote it should be forced to attend a Justin Bieber concert for the rest of their lives. Seriously. What a holiday downer.

Tonight, there are a ton of movies that start with Christmas. The Christmas Kiss, A Christmas Miracle, A Christmas Wedding....it just goes on and on. When really, some of the best holiday movies aren't even about the holidays. At least for me. Little Women, Harry Potter...and then there's the classic Christmas movies: It's a Wonderful Life, A Muppet Christmas Carol, Home Alone, A Christmas Story, Miracle on 34th Street.

So my message tonight is to remind you to take some time with family, snuggle up on the couch and catch your favorite movie, or Hunger Games. Hunger Games is always on the watch list. Happy Holidays!

A Letter to Texas Weather

Dear Texas Weather,

There's a few things we need to talk about. But first, let me say that you definitely have your days. Like a nice warm day in early May, or a crisp day in late October. I seriously dig what you can do for a day out on the beach or a hike in the woods. However, on most days of the year, it's like you  can't decide what you want to be. Maybe 84 for Christmas and 34 for Spring Break? I am concerned for you. So I'm writing this letter as an intervention. Most places have normal, or at least predictable weather. I'm afraid you may be suffering from a multiple personality disorder. I believe it would benefit almost everything and everyone in this great state of ours if you would maybe get on some happy pills and figure this out. We all need a little help now and then, and I know a lot of people who will support you in this decision. Think of what this would do...more tourists may decide to visit and then stay forever. More businesses may make their home here. We may get a governor whose not constantly worried about how the humidity will hurt his hair.

Anyways, maybe you could at least consider some normalcy in the future. I really feel like you have the potential.

Sincerely,

CHRISTY

PS I do appreciate what you have done with hurricane season the last few years. Keep up the good work.