Making Changes

Back in November, Matt and I decided our family just wasn't big enough and while looking through some online ads, we found Tango, a black and tan mini dachshund. Tango was a few days over a month old when we got him and for the first few days, he was the ideal little puppy. He loved to be held and petted....He reminded us of this at 3am this morning when he began howling for no reason. Tango has been endowed with the bark of a dog 10xs larger than himself. It's literally louder than our smoke alarm. (We know from experience) So, with our decision to move in the near future, we are wondering how he will fare in an apartment setting. Our hope is that we'll find a house, but if not...will Tango become an issue with neighbors who, like us, just yearn for a little peace and quiet? Matt assures me that Tango is not being aggressive, he just likes to practice his bark. A lot. At 7 in the morning. 10 at night. Tango likes to talk...He is encouraged by Matt, who will literally go sit on the porch with him and Sasha to howl. He thinks it is the cutest thing ever. I told him to start thinking of a way to explain THAT to a land lord. Hopefully, by this time next month, I will have more info on when and where we're moving. Check in for an update.

Ye Merry Olde Halls of Hardin!

Tomorrow I will be attending my first graduation as a teacher. Can I have a "woot" from the audience, please? This year has been exciting to say the least. I have thoroughly enjoyed my first year teaching and first year at Hardin. To all my colleagues: "My mom, who's a notorary, told me it's definitely illegal for an employer to put her toes on things!" :)

A big thanks to everyone for everything! Can't wait to start next year as a veteran Hornet!

New Goal!

At the end of April, I came up with something to keep me busy. I'm going to read the Bible through in one year! Why would I put this in my blog? Well, so you can hold me accountable! I'd like to finish in December, but I'm giving myself a year. So, next May, if you see me, ask how I did. If I say anything besides, "Yep! I did it", please ridicule me harshly. :) Today was Mother's Day. Not the best day considering my mom and I are on the fritz, but I guess it wasn't totally ruined. I got to see my sister and brother-in-law, which was great! I was informed recently that I am a doormat. I never saw myself as such, but since it was brought up, I've been thinking about it a lot. I don't know if I am. I usually like to think it's better to just go on with life than get upset everytime someone does something stupid. Others think differently. Maybe that makes me a doormat. I dunno. (But I can say that I would make quite an attractive doormat) World Cup coming up, WOOOT!!! Peace to all. Probably won't write much til summer. :)

2010: A Space Odyssey

I love this time of year! I truly, honestly do. It finally starts to warm up and I convince myself that this will be the year that I will do better. See, the official New Year doesn't cut it for me. It's cold and dreary, and not at all promising. So I celebrate now. Around the end of April, beginning of May. It starts to get warm. Everything becomes green again and I pretend I'm an out-doors kind of person. This winter was awful. Everything that could go wrong, did. But I have the feeling this summer will be much better. I feel like I've changed for the better. It's still a long process, but I just feel different. Inside. Where they say it counts. This post isn't going to be long. I've kinda had a brain drain lately, but I wanted to shout out that I LOVE LIFE! I LOVE MY HUSBAND! AND I LOVE GOD! (I also love the dogs, but don't tell them, they're spoiled as it is.)

A Few of My Favorite Things:

Here's a list I made up this afternoon while I was trying my new positive thing:
-Sitting in the sun
-Wearing hats (but only the cool ones)
-Giant bushes of pink hibiscus
-The way Matt always thinks he's right
-Dreaming of the future
-Cloud watching
-Finding Orion when I go outside at night
-Dill pickles
-Playing my guitar outside
-Laying in a hammock
-Accomplishing something I thought I couldn't
-Giving to others
-My grandpa's truck
-The idea of moving away from here
-The idea of building a house right here
-Making Matt happy
-Hanging out with Phillip
-Singing loudly in the car....but only when I'm alone
-Thinking about God
-Water-gun fights
-Mulberries
-Remembering good times
-Being naive
-Writing letters
-A good come back
-Irony
-The story of Ruth
-"Just because" cards
-Talking about Frank and baseball (Don't worry if you don't get it)

The End and Baseball

Matt and I rented 2012 today. Not exactly a movie that gets you thinking about the end of the world in my opinion, but to each his own. I have actually heard several people say this movie made them consider how the world will end....
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Anyways, I have decided that while planning helps in things like your education and saving money, you can't really plan for life. You can try and try but in the end, sometimes things just don't swing your way. I know, it sounds like I'm going cynical again, but just hold on and stay with me. My fellow man seems to think that if you plan and organize your life, then life will return the favor and always throw you softballs. But the truth is, there is always a change up. Sometimes this is for the best, and you pull off one of the greatests "at-bats" the world has ever seen. Other times, you strike out and have to start over. My mom's a big planner. She mapped out my entire first 18 years of life. Then I had to step up to the plate. Still there. I've managed to fight off being out with a few fouls and balls, but still haven't made that big hit yet.

Ok, that's all my baseball lingo. If I had the time I'd go read Ender's Game again. But I don't, so I'll just wrap up school work and think about how much I should be exercising.

The Lesson of Daily Bread

I can honestly say that at this moment, the direction my life will take has never been more uncertain. Now, to that I will add: Although I have no clue what the future holds, I've never been more certain that I am heading in the right direction. Every other day, I have a better plan. One that will fix all the problems of the last one and promise an even greater outcome. And every other day, I change my mind and decide that maybe that plan isn't it. It would sound to some like I'm having a bit of a crisis. But the truth is, I have NEVER felt more sure of myself. I don't know what brought this about. One conversation two weeks ago with my husband seemed to fix everything. It's odd how things end up working out. Matt and I were 500 miles from each other, on the phone, when everything just clicked and fell into place. It wasn't either of us. It was God. We had gotten ourselves into a funk that nothing else could get us out of. I feel like I have purpose once again. And that's a great feeling. So here's the lesson of the Daily Bread. I have been reading and re-reading Matthew Chapter 6 since Sunday. In the Lord's Prayer, there is only one thing we're told to ask for that isn't spiritual. Our daily bread. Jesus doesn't say ask for your daily bread and a few extra slices just in case. When the Hebrews were given manna in the desert. They received their daily bread. Period. Extra manna was ruined. So I've decided to be happy with my daily bread. If I'm full, healthy, with my husband, and know who my God is, what more do I have to ask for? It's not easy for me to do all the time. But since I've had this mindset, I've been 100% happier.

Thinking Thoughts

It's 4 minutes to 1 in the morning. This sudden surge of energy is the LAST thing I needed tonight. Matt's gotten into the habit of staying up later and later every night. Then, he wonders why he's exhausted when he gets home the next day. I don't want this habit. It's his to keep. I'm currently laying here thinking about several things as Matt snacks in the living room. 1. I don't use half of the space in my bedroom. Why? Because it's a giant hallway to the doorless bathroom. That annoys me. 2. I would really like a bathroom with a door. 3. I'm going to be extremely tired tomorrow. Good thing Spring Break is in almost 24 hours. 4. It annoys me when Matt says we do not have groceries, when in fact, we have just run out of junk food. 5. It still scares me that I'm an adult. 6. I don't feel like watching Luther 3 times tomorrow with kids who just don't seem to grasp the importance of the Protestant Reformation. 7. Mrs. Key is awesome. Even when she insinuates inappropriate things. 8. I'm starting to firmly believe that moving closer to Hardin would be a wise decision. 9. I'm not really mad at Mom. (Hope you're reading) I just want her to accept I can handle things and have a little confidence in me. 10. I should really stick a pillow behind me. My head hurts laying against the wall.

See? Several things. I have been working and planning on a budget all week. And I think I have a fairly good one if I say so myself. There are some big plans in the works, but I haven't told everyone so I'll keep it quiet here. I think I may be on the verge of a break through. I won't lie, these past few months have been hard. Physically, emotionally, financially. All of it. At the same time, I get more frustrated because when I'm stressed my sense of humor goes down the drain. And, this is arrogant, I enjoy myself sometimes. I used to love being by myself. I could always find something to work on. Then I met Matt and he became my spare time hobby. Well, now we are beginning to go back to separate hobbies I think. In a way, this makes me sad, because I really enjoy sharing things with Matt. On the other hand, maybe some of our skirmishes have been a result of TOO much time together. We're redefining ourselves. :)

As I'm sure you've noticed, I ramble when I'm tired. And I'm getting sleepy. I should blog more often when I can't sleep. Apparently it helps. I'm really really really trying to stay upbeat. I'm feeling a little more confident about myself lately. I think sometimes Matt feels I'm being more...."assertive" (or stubborn or determined...lol) than usual. But I'm tired of feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm really trying to become a better person, and I want to fix what's around me. I really think Matt's more annoyed by my inability to verbally communicate thoughts. They really just flow when I'm writing, but if I'm trying to speak the words to Matt...I go blank. I end up saying "I don't know." when I really mean, "I do know. We should start with A and work our way to B. If you'd just hand me a scratch pad to doodle and outline, we'd get a lot further in our planning." Stupid Ready Writing. Maybe I should get a recorder and start writing aloud. lol. Maybe I should sign off and go to sleep. Best idea of the evening. I hope you all are recovering from the doozy of a winter we had. Can't wait for summer!

On a roll

This is my second post in one day. Either I need a life, or...well, I probably just need a life. I decided to write because, it turns out, I was right. Today was important. I still don't know if it was a good important or a bad important. Let's talk straight for a minute. This isn't an evangelical spill, it's just me putting my thoughts out into the world. I believe there is a God. Now, to be specific, I believe there is one God and His Son's name is Jesus. Now, I won't go any further except to say that I believe that God will speak to us in a still, small voice. That voice can change our whole lives. In less than a second. I've always wondered how missionaries just give everything up and go to an alien land to share God's love. Even as a Christian, I wonder, is it indoctrinization or is it faith? Why does the world have to be such a foggy shade of gray? Today I was faced with a choice. Either I can listen to what I believe is God's voice in my life, or I can ignore it and continue on with what's expected of me. I don't know if I'm strong enough for that leap of faith. I care what people think about me. I care what they say. As shallow and small as that sounds. Needless to say, I'm going to have to decide. And I'm afraid it'll be the wrong choice.

Sunday Mornings

It's a foggy Sunday morning here in Fannett. My grandpa (RIP) once told me that if it's a foggy morning it'll be a warm day. He wasn't a meteorologist, but this proves true about 95% of the time around here, so I'm hoping it pulls through today. The house is littered with Dr. Pepper cans and laundry. Seems no matter how much I pick up, more replaces it. I'm starting to feel the need for a massive Spring Cleaning. The only problem with that thought is it requires Matt to be home. He tends to worry if I'm going through his stuff without him. I, however, find this more efficient because he's not there to stop me from throwing away the jeans he never wears, has had for 10 years, and has one leg that is about to fall off because of the tears and holes. :) And honestly, after a week, he forgets he ever owned them so hopefully you see my point.

This is going to be an important day. I just feel it. Like things will either get better or worse from this point. Sunday mornings are usually like that to a small extent for me. When I was little, I can remember waking up at 7:30 EVERY Sunday morning. Dad would have breakfast ready and we'd have to eat while Mom tried to decide what we'd wear and sing at Church. (Because as most of you know, the Thomas family had to coordinate every Sunday) Dad would usually be the first one dressed and watching TV waiting for everyone to get ready. All of this sounds pretty uneventful, but it was the atmosphere of it all. Like Sunday was your chance to start over. It was a new week. Whatever the kids were laughing about on Friday was forgotten by Monday, you could get your hair cut on Friday and by Sunday, it wasn't looking so nerdy anymore....lol. I have a whole list of things. Sundays were usually busy but important.

I'm sitting here, hoping that today is one of those Sundays. I still have thirty minutes until I have to wake Matt up. Today, the dogs are still sleeping with him, which makes me happy. It's just me and Boris, who doesn't make too much noise, and except for the loud noise the computers been making for the last few days, it's pretty peaceful. I hope these are all good omens.

I'll sign off by saying I hope you all have a great Sunday. Give church a try, relax, have some sweet tea and enjoy your family.

Disappointments Come in February

Have you ever had that one moment in your life when you truly regret something? Maybe it's nothing big, maybe it is. The fact remains that you did something you never thought you would, and though you're sincerely regretful and remorseful, "sorry" just doesn't seem to cover it. I had one of those moments- Actually, several of those moments - this past month. I will not pretend that I am not as confused by the world as everyone else. It's hard to find enough faith just to make it through the day sometimes. As a teacher, you will sometimes see and hear things you never wanted to. About kids. Kids who are so desperately trying to prove their maturity that they lose the innocence of childhood. There's an issue that's been bugging me for the last few months. I can't say what it is, because, frankly, its a private issue. Suffice it to say that it's one of those issues that can really suck the life out of you. It's always in the back of my mind, gnawing for attention and sometimes, it just gets too loud to ignore. Recently, my nearest and dearest have taken my dark moods personally. If you have, please consider that it was not meant to be an offense. Sometimes, things become overwhelming and its easier to lash out rather than ask for help.

I know what this sounds like. I am usually the one laughing at those who write complaints like these on the internet for all to see. I just want whoever may read this to know that if you've had an issue like this, you're not alone. All the doubts and insecurities are there for me too. It's easier to talk about faith than it is to live it. Several times in the past month the idea that faith comes in daily dosages has been put before me and I've finally realized that maybe its a message. We're told too often to plan for the future. Make sure you have a good credit score, take care of the bridges you burn, plan, plan, plan. I always seem to forget to enjoy what I have during the present. (Kinda like this blog...I'm rambling) My point is that we can't possibly know what in store for us in the future. God is so incredibly huge and non-human. We have to take our daily dosage of faith (a faith-vitamin, if you will) and trust that everything works out according to His will. We don't have to understand it, we just have to believe it. It's hard and it's sometimes pretty draining, but (I'm really praying) it's worth it.

The Whistle Blower

Well, I have to say I am both happy and sad to see 2009 go. The past year started off with me engaged and in college and ended with a new job and married. All in all, a productive year (to make a gross understatement). For those of you who do NOT know, I am now a teacher. That's right, parents, beware - I am now in charge of your student's mental health. muahaha. Now, thanks to lovely certification and my new job, I have met several different teachers, and I can now spill the secrets that teachers hold dear. First - teachers have a life outside school. This is hard to believe, even for some teachers. But yes, some of us, do have hobbies and interests outside of the classroom or our chosen subjects. Second, highschools are the best place to observe role reversal. Now, to be clear, this happens at every highschool, but does not mean everyone in the highschool has this problem. There are far too many children trying to be adults and too many adults acting like children. Third, (Parents - hold your objections) teachers are genuinely there to help the kids. Or, at least 85% of us are. The majority of teachers at public schools really care what happens to the students. Fourth, teachers like to have fun. Most of the kids still do not believe this one. But its true.

After becoming a teacher, the majority of people you know are suddenly all under the age of 18, and calling you "Mr." or "Mrs. So-and-so". It's enough for an identity crisis. Until March of this past year, I was just Christy. Occassionally, "Ms. Thomas". Now, thanks to Hardin ISD, I am not only "Mrs. Jones" I also have to constantly clarify which Jones or Christy I am.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my new job. I work in a great department and love teaching the kiddies about history. So, here's to the new year! It cannot even hope to bring as much as 2009.