Writing has always been second nature to me. I don't mean to say I'm amazing at it, but I'm decent and it's always been my chosen method of communication. The last few months, writing has been a challenge for me. Writing has permanence. Once written, it becomes real. And I haven't wanted the past few months to be real. I never saw myself in this situation. And while I don't necessarily feel bad for myself (I know I am beyond blessed), I haven't done a great job of thinking of anyone else. On that note, forgiveness is certainly easier to talk about than to put into action. I struggle with it on a daily basis. I know forgiveness is something I must seek and give daily, but it always seems easier just to find a punching bag (real or metaphorical). That's simply being selfish. There's no other word for it.
So I want to start over. To remind myself that there are others out there who need me more than me. A friend once told me that people who get depressed are the ones who only think of themselves and their own problems. They forget the blessings they have and choose to focus on their inconveniences instead. Life isn't easy. But it becomes easier when you have a purpose. And there is not a better purpose to have than loving others.
From now on, you have my permission to smack me next time I complain or fixate on my issues. Tell me to get over it. This post probably makes little to no sense. But I'm going to stick with it and hopefully my writing comes back. And maybe I can entertain you with a story or two occasionally.
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