Mother's Day Tribute Part 4: My Namesake

My family has a ton of funny stories.  We are funny people.  Or maybe funny looking lol.  I remember always being amused as a kid when people were surprised that I have a dad and yes, he lives with us.  My dad makes quiet people look talkative.  Even less people know that I did know my paternal grandparents.  They're about as talkative as he is.  This series is a tribute to the mothers in my life, so I will save Big Daddy for another day.  My MeeMaw was quite the character.  A staunch Church of Christ member, I can remember getting pamphlets from her on every visit.  We went to her church at least once a visit and more if there was a ladies' meeting or domino tournament.

Speaking of dominos...MeeMaw taught me everything I know about being an original gamer.  The woman had a collection of board games that would make a museum curator drool. There was none of this "everyone's a winner" foolishness.  Oh no.  I remember being very young (5...maybe 6) and her killing off my pieces one by one and laughing.  It was go big or go home...crying.  Evenings were filled with dominos, Pollyanna, Skip-bo, Uno, and all other kinds of card/board games.  We often played partners, with MeeMaw pairing up with my brother because of his only boy status.

You see, the Thomas clan had one boy - my dad.  He had one biological son - my brother.  And because my grandmother was firmly planted in the 1940s, Phillip got an honored spot in the family because he would carry on the family name.  This was the only redeeming factor of my father's second (gasp!) marriage.  She made no secret that she did not approve of divorce or my parents' marriage after a divorce.  This, and her loyalty to family blood lines always made for some fun visits when Mom visited with us. My name is Christy.  Mom swears I was named for Christ.  And when they told my MeeMaw, they were shocked to discover a long held secret.  Her name was Christine!  My grandmother had always gone by the name Flogene (don't ask - I have no idea).  Turns out her legal name was Christine.  I can only imagine what was going on in Mom's head - putting all that time into picking THE perfect name only to discover you had accidentally copied a family name. haha!

My MeeMaw was a hard woman to crack.  To be perfectly honest, I found it hard to relate to her as a kid.  But now that I'm older, I have grown to appreciate a lot of things for her.  She was loyal to God first, family second.  She taught me a lot about family honor and to take pride in being a Thomas.  She transplanted a love of gardening and keeping plants and animals.  She loved her old collie, Tina, till the very end.  She was the epitome of southern hospitality - always ready with tea and baked goodies.  Sharp as a whip.  I sometimes think I get some of my wit from her.  She loved a good competition and had a beautiful smile.  I don't have a digital copy of a picture to share with you, but take my word - beautiful.  She stood by her family through tough times.  She was a child of the Great Depression and always reminded us to be wise with our money.  She began every letter "My dearest, darling granddaughter", and wrote me loyally every month until her health began to fail.  I hope one day I make her proud to carry the family memories onto my children.

Mother's Day Tribute Part 3: My MawMaw

My students find it hilarious that I have a MawMaw and I am willing to call her that in public.  It doesn't bother me in the least.  My MawMaw is one cool chick, which is why she is making an appearance on my blog.  My MawMaw has always been like a second mom to me.  She helped raise me and my siblings from day 1.  Not in the "my parents are too busy for me so the grandparents must take over" kind of way.  She literally lives next door.  So, my childhood was about evenly split between my house and hers.  Like all good grandparents, she is a mixture of leniency and discipline.  She has never hesitated to put us in our place.  I remember her popping me on the back of the leg with a fly swatter.  WATCH OUT CPS! At the same time, her house was THE place to be on the weekends.  We each had a night - mine was Saturday.  Saturday night at sunset, I would walk over and we would go rent a movie and then pig out on junk food.  We would watch all kinds of stuff.  When it got too bad, she would hurry to run in front of the TV so I couldn't see whatever was happening.  The next morning, it was whatever I wanted for breakfast before I had to be back home in time for church.

There are so many good stories about my Mawmaw that I don't even know where to start.  Before our neighborhood got busy, we would stand out on her porch and look at the stars.  She would point out the abnormal ones and tell me they were UFOs.  Once I got old enough - I tried to convince her they were Russian spies.  ((We also can't talk about that on the phone - it may flag us with the government - for realz) During the Y2K scare, she had an entire sunroom/secret storehouse built on to store food for when the technology crashed.

My favorite stories are of her and my PawPaw.  In some of them, they were trying to wring each other necks and in others, two teenagers in the 50's falling in love.  I love looking at old pictures of them together.  They were both so beautiful. Inside and out - honest, stubborn, hard working and dedicated.  Both of them had their flaws and there were plenty of times they could've called it off, but they stuck it out and were married for almost 50 years.  And there has never been one doubt in my mind (despite all the stories of their fights and near-breakups) that my Mawmaw loved PawPaw as much as the day they got married.  She is the matriarch of our family.  We can all be mad at each other and every single one will go to her first.  She is our rock when things get tough and she is the one that keeps us connected to the family and to our roots.  It's because of her that we have rice at 90% of our meals (as all good rice families should) and the reason we always end up laying aside our differences to make peace.  I think I speak for the entire family when I saw we have the best Mawmaw there is and we can't imagine a world without her.

Mother's Day Tribute Part 2 - My Monster-in-Law

I like the phrase monster-in-law.  A lot.  It makes me giggle.  I have friends who have monsters-in-law and the horror stories they tell make me super glad to say I don't have one.  Instead, I have a friend, partner-in-crime and all around beautiful woman, who is sometimes the only person I will listen to when it comes to things I don't want to hear.  You see, some day in the near future (fingers-crossed (not for this reason)) we won't legally be related on paper anymore.  Which means this relationship is all the more special because she chooses to keep me in the family even though she doesn't have to.  I have the world's best mother in law.  My only regret is not getting to know her sooner.  Last year, I reached a point when I felt like I had no one else to turn to and she was the one who threw down whatever she was doing to come offer me a hug and smile.  When it felt like my world was falling apart, she was the first one to assure me that it was not, and that I wasn't alone.  From the very beginning, she has welcomed me into her heart and home, and has never said one negative thing to me.  (And there were times when I probably deserved it.)  It takes a whole different level of motherhood to be a good mother-in-law.  That's what's so awesome about Linda.  She doesn't have to love me, and being that I'm her youngest son's, soon to be ex-wife, society says that there are enough reasons to write me off and forget I exist.  I could be the crazy ex daughter-in-law she has to put up with to see the kids.  But I have never once felt that way.  Matt and I were together for six years, and from day one, she has always treated me like more than family - like a friend.  She was the mother figure I needed when I wouldn't listen to my own.  And I will never be able to express what that has meant to me.  I hope that I can learn from her example and remember this when Oliver (you know, 50 years from now) brings a girl home.   I pray that I can make her feel like one of the family and someone who is not just tolerated for the sake of family peace, but loved.  That's how I feel around my mother-in-law - that she genuinely just likes me for me.  And you don't find that everywhere.

The past year wasn't just rough on me.  Our entire family was split apart by this divorce and other external factors.  There were plenty of times when she could have gotten mad or tried to get even for something that went wrong, but the only reaction I ever witnessed was one of love and generosity.  I'm glad my kids have a role model to look up to in their Nana.  She has a lot to teach them and I look forward to learning from her myself.  Linda, thank you for everything.  It's quite possible that I would not have made it through 2013 without you.

PS - I had planned to do one a day, but I will be swamped tomorrow, so I went ahead and posted early.

Mother's Day Tribute Part 1

Mother's Day is just around the corner.  Every year, I try to think of something...some object... that would truly represent my appreciation and gratitude for my mom.  It's a tough job.  My mom is not a person easily impressed by objects.  She will appreciate the effort and thought that went into the gift, but there isn't any THING that she is just dying to have.  In addition, some of you know that the past year was one of those life changing years for me.  I didn't rebel in high school, so apparently, I decided to play catch up once I was older.  That year away from my family put a lot of things in perspective for me.  And with it, came someone new.  My awesome daughter.  There cannot be one shred of doubt in anyone's mind that I love my son with all my heart.  But holding that tiny girl for the first time opened my eyes to what it is to really be a woman and mom in this crazy world we live in.  And it's one of the things that pushed me back to where I needed to be - home.  So I'm doing a blogging series leading up to Mother's Day to pay tribute to the incredibly strong and beautiful women in my life who don't always get the credit they deserve, even from me.  More often than not, I'm using them as a verbal spring board or (rarely) punching bag when things get too much.  Despite my flaws and mistakes, they have shaped me into the person I am today.  And words will never be enough to repay their kindness and generosity of spirit. But it is a start.

What I love most about my mom, is that she is 100% mine and there is no one else in the world like her.  It's always hard for me to think up something to write in her birthday cards and such, which is strange because words come naturally for me.  I've given it a lot of thought over the past few days, and I've come to the conclusion that I have the most trouble expressing my feelings for her because there are so many things I want to say, that it's just hard to organize them into one paragraph or body of text that doesn't end up sounding like a crazy ramble.  My mom is the driving force that has pushed me every year of my life to do better than the last.  She's my biggest cheerleader, my safe zone, and the frying pan to my head when I need common sense knocked into me.  I didn't realize how much I had and the extent to which I needed her until I (foolishly) thought I could make it on my own.  Worst year of my life.

My mom has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  She takes kids in from any background and raises them the same way she raised me.  Seriously.  She never once treated them any differently.  Every child who enters her home will leave it with the knowledge that God, a good work ethic and a good sense of humor will fix every problem we have.  She's not known for her subtlety, so never ask her a question that you don't want an honest answer to.  And 90% of the time, she'll tell you how she feels whether you ask or not.  This used to annoy me.  Still does some days.  But in the end, I walked away with respect for the truth, and the understanding that you truly show someone you care when you are honest with them.  It takes a brave person to be honest and mom is one of the bravest people I know.

I will never be able to say I'm sorry enough for the things I've said to her when I'm angry.  She has witnessed more melt downs than anyone else, and that usually means that she ends up being the one taking the brunt impact of whatever I'm feeling that day.  But she is my safety net.  I can cry, scream and freak out and in the end, she tells me what I need to hear and picks me back up again.  I'm afraid to think of where I would be without her in my life.  Here's to you, Mom.  This blog is a sad excuse of a tribute to the mom you really are.  I'm so glad that you were there when I needed you most and that you are such a big part of my kids' lives.  Love you.

It Takes a Village

The last year has felt like I am living someone else's life.  I used to feel like writing helped clear my head and now, I feel like I cannot write until my head is cleared.  While the past month has not been nearly as emotionally taxing as those before it, it has been...busy.  We are going back to court this week, and I am so ready for this to be over.  Just to have it settled, whether it is in my favor or against, will be a relief.  But even these orders will only be temporary.  

Despite everything, the past few weeks have reminded how blessed I am.  If we have a flight or fight instinct, mine is definitely flight.  I'm not talking about leaving town, although a vacation would be nice.  I just want a fresh start, with people who don't know me or my issues and a chance to feel free.  But the adult that is somewhere in me reminds me that it is not always possible and not always the right thing to do.  And when my immature side begins to win, there's plenty of people to set me straight.  If there's anything I have learned, it's to listen to the people who care about me.  I tried to live life by myself and it got me nowhere.  So, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and do it better in Round 2.  They say it takes a village to raise a child.  Right now, it takes a village to keep me and the kids on track.  Whenever I feel like giving up or running away, there is someone there to knock some sense into me.  When I'm down, they're there building me up again for the hundredth time.  When I say the wrong thing, they forgive me.  That's when I'm reminded that no matter what I've gone through to get here, it's worth it, because I'm surrounded by a great group of friends and family.  It's not big, but it's more than enough.  All of them willing to stop whatever they're doing to help me out, and I am so appreciative.  I don't know how to put my feelings into words because I don't think words are enough.  The past two weekends have been perfect.  And just what I needed to keep going.  This school year is almost over, and with it, comes new life choices and decisions that must be made.  You would think the fact that I don't have a teaching position lined up for next year would scare me, but it doesn't.  When I graduated from college, I did not get one single call from schools until the first week of August.  Hardin was the only school that called and the only interview I had.  And I still believe, to this day, that it was where I was supposed to be. The people  I met there got me through a rough time, and I don't think I would've made it without them. I appreciate everyone in my life.  And every act of kindness and generosity towards me and the kids.  I'm convinced that you're all the most beautiful people on Earth and I'm so glad to be a part of your lives.  

So much to write, so little time

I hate starting the day off in a negative mood, because we all know the cycle that creates.  Today is my 5th wedding anniversary, and I would be lying if I said that just the date alone isn't having a psychological toll on me today.  I can honestly say I never want to make that kind of commitment again. Sure, a part of me would like the companionship that comes from the romantic relationship department, but the bigger part of me is screaming, "No thanks, it's not worth it."  I'm smart enough to realize that this, too, is just a psychological reaction to having gone through a not pleasant marriage to say the least.  And after an hour and a half of defending myself on why I married him in the first place (just two days ago!), it seriously made me rethink the whole point of relationships. Sadly, the hearing seemed to be less of what was best for the kids and more a criticism of me loving some guy who wasn't worth it.  And that's seriously the impression I got from his lawyer.  And, because therapists like their 9 to 5 job too, I use my blog and friends to keep the pressure down.  I like blogging because I can throw all my thoughts out there in one giant, jumbled mess and not have to deal with the patronizing platitudes guaranteed to be thrown my way.  The child in me still wants to stamp my feet and scream it's not fair and the adult Christy wants to tell that child she is annoying and to get lost. Most of you know that I love sarcasm, even when it's directed at me.  So the irony that our marriage is still going and he probably actually remembered the date this year is amusing to me. 

In other news, last night I read an article in "Countryside", which is a homesteading magazine. ((And yes, that's because I turned 65 last year!)) The magazine lets anyone submit articles to be printed.  One lady, (I'm assuming of the older generations) had blasted my generation for being a lazy, give-me generation, who only knows how to make money by having children and taking welfare.  I was deeply offended by this.  Not only do I think this does NOT apply to me, but it doesn't apply to hardly anyone in my age group I know.  I work well over 40 hours a week.  When I'm home, I'm either grading/lesson planning or working on a project that I hope will better our home and the lives of my children.  I don't get food stamps, or government insurance, or any other type of tax-payer assistance.  My parents help me buy formula and diapers because they're awesome.  I think the problem with our society is not those who "leech" the welfare system.  It's the constant degrading of those who do not.  I would like to point out that those "useless eaters" were raised by a "better generation of hard workers".  Apparently something did not stick.  My parents had me always busy.  Whether it was cleaning the garage for the 15th time or reading, traveling, and simply having fun, there was not a lot of downtime.  They taught me the value of hard work, just like several of my friends were raised.  In fact, it is because of my parents and grandparents that I'm not afraid to tackle a big project even if I have no idea what I'm doing.  I am not going to judge those on welfare as leeches, because I know some people just need help occasionally.  But I realize there are those who take advantage of it.  This has occurred in EVERY generation!  Jamestown nearly died out because the men were too lazy to farm!  Our founding fathers used slaves as a free labor source so they could have the posh life as landowners and time to think about the Constitution.  Is this the American work ethic I should mimic? Laziness is a problem throughout history and NOT applicable to just one generation.  And this rant was too long for a facebook post. :) 

As usual, you are welcome to disagree. Unlike magazines, my blog has a comment box you can use to directly challenge me.  Have fun.

Marching Forward

I feel like I missed the entire month of February.  It's hard to believe it flew by this quickly.  My resolve to blog more in 2014 is already floundering, but here I am...making an attempt.  I am trying to stick to my resolution to be more positive.  But, sometimes, it's a LOT easier to just get stuck in the mud.  So, more often than not, my "march" forward becomes more of a trudge (that usually involves a lot of whining).  We're going back to court tomorrow.  Which ultimately means that there will be no sleep for me tonight and near panic-inducing anxiety tomorrow morning.  But I am resolved to play it cool.  I'm going to bring a book, and not let anyone get to me.  So, if you try to contact me tomorrow, and I don't respond, I am probably fine, just "in the zone".  My life really is not bad at the moment.  It's (for the most part) quite peaceful.  But it's hard to relax when in the back of your mind you know everything is not settled and the peace is only temporary.  It's somewhat encouraging to see that the kids are happy and are adjusting.  I, personally, take no credit for this.  I am blessed to be surrounded by an army of people who love the kids and do not let them feel neglected or wanting in the least.  In fact, I'm starting to believe they could hear the word "no" a little more often.

But back to the beginning of this post - February seemed to just be a waiting kind of month.  I've often wondered what purgatory is supposed to be like and I feel like I've gotten a taste of it this month.  It's neither good or bad.  It just is.  And it's SO overly frustrating.  Good or bad, I want this battle to be over so that I can help the kids move on and adjust to whatever new reality they will have to face.  So, I ask that you keep us in your prayers tomorrow.  This isn't even the trial, it's just temporary orders, so nothing will be final tomorrow.  Just pray that what is best for the kids will come through and everything else will be ok.